stories + words

kate kozar

The story of how I met my Husband and how when you know, you know.

October 18, 2018

So, you all obviously know that I am a sucker for the sappy shit. And if you didn’t know, now you do. I like the mushy and corny stuff that basically makes everyone else vomit in their mouth. It makes me happy. I LOVE love and I love affection. By now, you also know that I am slightly obsessed with the relationship between my Husband and I that we have created together over the last 8 years. What you might not know is how we met, and how instant everything happened for us, because, well – when you know, you know.

Flashback to circa May 2011. I was at a real low in my life, in my opinion. It was a time where my relationship with my Family was scattered and lacking, my own desire to take care of myself and do good things for myself was minimal, to say the least, and I didn’t give two shits about much of anything. I won’t get into all of that – at least not in this blog post. I was living with my tattoo artist in his spare bedroom at the time after being kicked out of my Mom’s house. I had plans to move out to Chilliwack, B.C to live with a friend who was generous enough to offer his home and help me find a job (S/O to you, Matt!). It’s funny because now that I think about it, I don’t even know how I was thinking I’d get out there as quickly as I was intending considering I could have never afforded a plane ticket. I don’t even recall if I had plans to drive, or what was really going on in my mind. I just wanted to get the hell out of the city that I hated and essentially felt as though I had nothing going for me in Regina. All I know is that when I told my Mom about it, she wasn’t having any of it.

My Mom and I have always been close, and although we may have had a complicated relationship at the time, we were still on speaking terms. So, we put the bullshit and the cold and rainy weather aside and we went to the Cathedral Arts Festival together. Overall, it was a great day. I remember I was so happy all day. As I mentioned, I was in a bad place (with myself mostly) at this time, but I remember this day being different than others. It was a day where I didn’t feel the urge to randomly burst out in tears, I felt stable, secure and confident and I was ACTUALLY having a good time with people outside of my house (what up depression), despite all the dark ugly stuff going on in my mind.

So we’re at the Arts Festival, which, for those of you who might not know what the Cathedral Arts Festival is, it’s a giant local market. The city shuts down probably 4 or 5 blocks in one of the funkiest neighborhoods in our city and the local vendors rent out tables and set up all of their handmade art, jewelry, and baking, and it’s freakin’ awesome. Great food, live music, supporting local… I mean it can’t get much better than that. Anyway, so we finish up at the Festival and Mom takes me home.

I get home to the little bedroom that I rented out from my tattoo artist, and, I have to add – all that was inside of this bedroom, ALL that I had in my possession was a twin bed, those black little stackable cubes you can find at Wal-Mart to use as shelving and a laptop. So, I get home and start up the computer, get in my comfies, crawl into bed and hop on Facebook.

Before I keep going, I have to tell you how we FIRST met so you kind of get the big picture… but I’ll keep it brief. I used to work at a cell phone company (Prairie Mobile). Brett came in as a customer one day to fix his broken cell phone. He didn’t have any warranty, so I couldn’t help him much, but we did entertain a good conversation and just clicked. I remember blushing, a lot, flirting a little, grinning from ear to ear the entire time and feeling like a lightning bolt had rushed through my body after he had left. When he left, I actually said to my friend/coworker – “I’m going to marry that freakin’ man.” I told my Mom about him and all. There was just something about him and how I felt after talking to him was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Having his name and phone number from his cell phone account, I obviously added him on Facebook like the creep I am shortly after he left. He later told me that he thought I was engaged the entire time because I was wearing a ring my Mom had given me as a Grad gift on my ring finger, lol… oops.

So, back to my story – I’m in bed and sinking into Facebook – I get a message from ‘Brett Kozar’ a couple of minutes into my scrolling. “Hey, how’s it going?” he asked. “Well…” I replied, and instantly felt the urge to vent to him. I told him everything. I told him about my broken relationship with my Family, that I was moving, that I was unhappy and that I couldn’t stop crying. WTF Kate. The thing is… he kept replying. WTF, Brett!

An old memory from one of our favourite trips together in Banff.

At this point, he now knows a couple things about me. He knows that I’m an emotional wreck, I work for a cell phone company, I am NOT engaged, that I’m moving away and that I have a lot of messed up relationships in my life. I knew I was setting myself up for sheer and utter disaster and making myself out to be the person than anyone in their right mind would run away from if this was ever going to go anywhere, so I changed the topic to the only other direction my mind could go – food. “So, anyway… what should I make for supper tonight?” I ask. “Should I go for something super easy considering the day I’ve had, like pizza – or should I get up and actually cook some chicken and rice or something?” (I’m obviously a great conversationalist…)
We went back and forth a little while longer about what the decision would be for tonight’s supper and it was looking like an easy pepperoni and cheese pizza kind of night. Before I knew it, he invited himself over for supper. Of course, if this guy was coming over, I had to set some ground rules… my first one was that he was not allowed to come over unless he was wearing sweats, because I also was, and I wasn’t about to just change what I was comfy in. (I did, however, have time and the actual thought to pop on my best fake lashes to compliment my puffy eyes…) LOL. Whatever, I was nervous.
Second ground rule was there would be no crying. I wanted to just enjoy my night, you know, eating pizza in my bed (no pun intended) with a random stranger who was for some reason entertained by my messy life, and to clarify – I wasn’t worried about him crying, just me.
So, he shows up – with a freaking box of Kleenex, sweatpants and a 2L of pop. I was taken back but so flattered by it all. I remember I was SO anxious and a little embarrassed to have to show him where I was living and what I was working with, or lack thereof, but as soon as I opened the door and saw him, he said Hi, gave me a brief smile and… I don’t even know what happened to me I just completely melted and all of my anxiety was gone. I felt a warmth in my heart and a level of comfort I had never felt before.

When you know, you know… 

He was wearing a hoodie, sweatpants and a ball cap and I’ve never been so turned on in my whole life. I wanted to jump his bones right then and there but I couldn’t tell if that was due to the emotional disaster that was currently stirring up inside of me, if I was straight up delirious from all the crying or if this was actually something I wanted. I welcomed him in my house (without jumping his bones) and the timer went off for the pizza. Perfect timing. We each grabbed generous amounts of pizza, I thanked him for coming over and bringing some pop (which I never drank – I hate pop…) and headed to the bedroom as that was my space.
We sat on the bed with our pizza and just started chatting. I showed him the place, showed him around my little room and the rest is kind of history. He came over at around 8PM and didn’t end up leaving until 2:30AM. We just didn’t have enough time together, it was almost as if time wasn’t a thing when we were together. I remember once we got a little bit more comfortable with each other a couple hours in and a couple hours of conversation later, we put on the movie Shutter Island on my lap top, propped that up on a big microwave box I found in the laundry room and just layed in bed together and watched it. Well, we kind of watched it, and not like that; we just couldn’t stop chatting. Cuddling was definitely happening though, because who doesn’t like cuddling? I couldn’t really help it, anyway.
I hate to cut a story off, but I mean, I don’t even remember the rest of the details. I remember how I was feeling leading up to him leaving in the wee hours of the morning, I remember how I was feeling after he left and I remember how I felt when he texted me that he made it home, and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. I remember thinking “so this is what love at first site feels like”. It’s strange, because the whole B.C thing never even came up after that. There was no discussion of me not going anymore, it just never happened. It was almost as if it wasn’t ever real, but it absolutely was. (Sorry, Matt!) We spent every day together for the next year and a half. No joke. Every day, for a year and a half, TOGETHER. Yes, we were (are) that couple. We are each other’s best friends in life and we are damn proud of it.
Shortly after this initial night, I think it was about 4 weeks in, Brett would say 5 or 6, but… he’s wrong, we moved in together. As it was, we were spending every single day and night together. It was like I was basically living with him already in his smaller apartment in Cathedral, and it got to the point where I was wondering why I’m still even paying rent at a place I’m never at. At this time, Brett had just signed a rental contract for a new apartment. The day he had possession of it, he brought me along to show me and asked me if I wanted to move in with him. I didn’t hesitate, my heart just skipped a couple beats before I said yes. Was it quick? Yep. Was it stupid? Depends who you ask. To us, it was either going to work or it wasn’t. If you ask me now, it was a no-brainer and one of the better decisions I’ve made in my life.
And now, over one year married, we’re happier than we’ve ever been, homeowners, trying to build our family and we share the best dog anyone could have ever asked for and have really grown and come such a long way, not only as individuals but also as a couple.
He is my person and I am his. He makes me laugh harder than ever before, makes me smile every single day, makes me feel like I am THE most beautiful and most important woman in the entire world and treats me like an absolute Queen. Not any Queen, but HIS Queen. He makes me happier than I ever thought was possible and gives back more than I feel I could ever give him.
So, yeah, I mean – when the light goes off, don’t try and mess with that. Go with your gut, go with your instincts. If you feel like it’s going to work out, go for it. Dive in there, because at the end of the day as cheesy as it sounds, everything in life is a lesson. If it works, it works and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I found love as soon as I stopped desperately looking for it. I found so much more than just love – I found my best friend, my life partner, my everything!!!
There are so many things in life we have zero control over, and I truly believe that who you end up with should, and IS, one of those situations. Nothing forced will last and I also believe that nothing worth having comes easy. Relationships are hard. They are a two-way street and they take a lot of work.
Brett & I are not perfect – we’re far from it. We’ve been through some really hard and real stuff together, but at the end of the day it’s the fight that you put in that really shows you where your heart is and what it wants. It’s how you come back from the defeats and struggles. There have been so many times where we could have just given up on each other but we just choose to love and to fight through it, every time – so make sure who you’re with is someone that’s worth fighting for. It makes you stronger as a couple and that much more solid. The hard stuff is what makes you undefeatable. I truly believe that whatever comes our way we can conquer it.
I found my rock in life without looking for him. He literally walked into my life when I least expected it, when I was the least bit ready for a relationship. I stepped out of my comfort zone, did something I had never done before. I went with my gut, my heart and my instincts in a timing I thought that absolutely nothing good can happen to me. I had a lot of fun doing so, and am still having a lot of fun, almost 8 years later.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you’re trying to achieve. The best advice I could give you is to stop trying so damn hard. Let life happen the way it wants to happen. Keep an open mind and an open heart, do the things that feel right and keep on putting yourself outside of your comfort zone. Good things will happen.
Any suggestions of your own?? I would LOVE to hear your love story and how you met your partner… drop it below, or email me to connect!

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  1. Madelyn Mushanski says:

    Just wanted to say I’ve been following your page for awhile now, and your work is amazing! I’m currently in the middle of saving so I can book a session with you.

    Also just wanted to comment because I feel like we have a lot in common. I was struggling for awhile as well (funny enough I also worked at prairie mobile haha) but than I met my boyfriend and he honestly changed my life. So reading this post
    reminded me a lot about myself, and I was just curious.. how did you get into
    photography and so good at it? I’ve always loved taking pictures, and dreamed about
    having a job like you do. But the equipment is so expensive, there’s already so many photographers out there, and
    I just wouldn’t even know where to
    start. If you have any advice I’d love to hear it! Thanks 🙂

    • kkozar says:

      Hey Madelyn!! Thank you so much!! I cannot WAIT until we get to meet and work together. Thanks for opening up and sharing your story with me, vulnerability isn’t always a bad thing. I’ve always been into photography. After investing in my camera, I just fell HARD for it and decided it was what I wanted for my life. It took a ton of work, research and persistence and I’m still working hard at it to continue to grow, but it’s just about starting SOMEWHERE. Also, you don’t need the newest and best gear – just apply all of yourself to what you’re doing and get a starting point. The more you apply yourself, the more you’ll learn and the more successful you’ll become. I would recommend listening to Podcasts like Jenna Kutcher or Tony Robbins – anyone that will give you the momentum and the motivation you need to get started. I hope this helps. I also offer mentor sessions if you ever wanted a 1-on-1. I will help you build your brand and business and can give you some helpful info that I found when starting up.

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